I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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