Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
