Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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