The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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