God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
