I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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