So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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