The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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