Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
