What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
