I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
