Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
