He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize