I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
