im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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