omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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