nut hugger
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
