this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Boobs are out for the taking
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
