he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
