the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize