I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
