idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They took my balls.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
