Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
