So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
