True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
