you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
