yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are the jesus of drinking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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