I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
