Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
