i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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