I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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