Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
