I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
