Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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