I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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