I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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