3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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