His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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