If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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