She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to sanitize my soul.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
