is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
