i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
