Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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