does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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