made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
