Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
