at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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