Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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