nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
