I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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