Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
