i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize