That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
