Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
