i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
