I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
