So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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