Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
