Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
