i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
