oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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