I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
