Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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