I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
