you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
