btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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