Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
