so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
