chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
