you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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